Adoption Disruption

(Also see "Indicators of Adoption Disruption" and "A Story of Adoption Disruption")

Contact us regarding Adoption Disruption

Of course, every adoption is meant to be permanent and last forever as children need permanency in order to thrive as they mature into adulthood. Yet, sometimes, in adoption it is possible that an adoptive placement turns out to not be in the child’s best interest if the adoptive parents can not meet the needs of the child for various reasons. Children can develop behavioral needs as they mature that may not have been evident at the time of adoption and adoptive parents may not be able to adequately provide for the needs of the child. The reality is that not every adoption that has become final continues to be in the child’s best interest throughout the child’s life. Some people believe that adoption is forever in all cases and have a moral objection to Adoption Dissolution or Disruption of any kind in any case. I believe that each case must be looked at individually to determine whether maintaining a current placement is in the child’s best interest. If a child’s needs are not being met, and a significant effort has been made to meet the child’s needs, whether that child was adopted or not, remaining in the current situation may not be in the child’s best interest. Often, a person or family can be located that can better provide for the needs of the child. Of course, each case depends on the individual facts and circumstances.

When an adoptive family starts the process of adoption, my experience has been that they overwhelmingly have the good intention of bringing a child into the family permanently. Otherwise, they would not have sought to adopt the child in the first place. However, in reality, every adoption does not turn out to be in the best interest of the child for various reasons. My experience has shown that with many adoptions, the adoptive family can not meet the needs of the child as the child matures for various reasons. Often these children develop behaviors that were not anticipated by the adoptive family and despite efforts to make the adoption work, the family and child fail to develop a bond which prevents the child from thriving in the home. Sometimes the child does not bond with the family and sometimes the family does not bond with the child for various reasons. My belief is that every child deserves the chance to be raised in an environment that is in the child’s best interest. The truth is that some adoptions turn out to not be in the child’s best interest. The adoptive family did not have the intention for it to happen, but sometimes simply does not have the dynamics, support or resources needed to meet the needs of the child as the child develops.

When all else has failed, it may become in your child’s best interest to be placed for adoption with a family that can better provide for the needs of the child. The decision to place the child for adoption should be the last resort and must be based on what is in the child’s best interest. In my experience, there are numerous factors that lead to adoption disruption:

• The child is an inappropriate match to your family (there are no bad children, only bad matches in adoption). I believe there is an appropriate family for every child;
• The adoptive family was not prepared for the special needs of the child;
• The child had poor preparation for the adoption process;
• The adoptive family lacks a strong support system;
• The child develops emotional or behavioral issues that were unknown by the adoptive family at the time of the adoption and which the adoptive family can not adequately handle;
• The dynamics of the adoptive family does not match the characteristics of a family that would be in the child’s best interest;
• The adoptive family and the child have not bonded despite efforts;
• Family stress factors (financial or marital problems, unresolved infertility issues, etc.) that prevent the adoptive family from committing to work with the child’s needs.

Your Feelings Right Now
Obviously, you have been through several emotions to be considering an alternative placement for your child. You may have felt them all or only a few.

Anger or resentment
You may be angry that the adoption is not meeting your expectations. You maybe upset that your child has repeated behaviors that do not change despite your efforts. This anger may be affecting all of your relationships as well as your parenting and you may resent or blame the child.

Sadness/Depression
You may have a deep sadness over how your family is functioning. You may question yourself as a parent or take on unnecessary blame. It is sad when a family is dissolving.

Denial
You may try to make yourself believe that everything will be okay when in reality all aspects of your family are falling apart. (Are you looking at yourself, the child and the situation as a whole realistically?)

Acceptance
You have accepted that your home is not in the child’s best interest. You strive to find the best possible setting for the child. You realize that no one is to blame. You recognize that you are not giving up but rather, as a parent, making the best choice for your son or daughter. (Are you ready to let go?)

What Have You Done to Make the Adoption Work?
Before considering placing your child for adoption, there are several factors that you should first address:

• What interventions have I put in place for my child?
• What interventions have I put in place for my partner or other children?
• What have I done to educate myself about the needs of my child?
• What have I done to accommodate the needs of the child?
• Have I made every possible attempt to attach and bond with my child even if the child rejects me? Have I given the child a chance to attach and bond with me? (A good guideline is at least one month for every year of the child’s life before you see any slight changes)
• Am I taking the behaviors that my child is demonstrating personally rather than looking objectively at what my child went through before coming home?
• What supports have I put in place for my family?
• Are my expectations for the child realistic?
• Is this a temporary crisis or have interventions failed?
• Have I tried to modify my lifestyle and/or parent techniques to meet the child’s needs?
• Is there anything that I haven’t as an adoptive parent tried that may help?
• What is best for my child? Is it my family or another that can best help my child reach his or her potential?
• Have you put your child’s needs before your own?

If you have tried the items above without improvements in the situation then an adoptive placement may be in your child’s best interest. You need to think of what is best for your child and sometimes an alternative placement may be the answer.

If you are interested in learning more about the process for placing your child for adoption, please contact me so that we can discuss your particular situation in detail. In most cases, I provide Search services in an attempt to locate a potential alternative placement for the child. If there are legal proceedings related to the actual legal process of placing the child for adoption which occur in the State of Ohio based on the factual situation, I may be able to represent you in the legal process of placing the child for adoption. If you and the placement resource are located outside of Ohio, I can refer you to the proper professionals to effectuate the placement after I have identified a prospective placement. The legal process for placing a child for adoption is a matter of State law and varies greatly from State to State and even county to county within each State. Therefore, the legal process can not be determined until after a potential placement resource has been identified so that it is known which State laws are applicable.

I have developed a specific process in attempting to locate an alternative placement to meet the needs of the child. The first step involves obtaining a detailed Child Assessment to determine your child’s needs so that any interested placement resource will have the benefit of full disclosure of any known needs of the child to determine if those needs can be met. The process also involves a specialized type of therapeutic counseling during the transition of the child to the new adoptive family. I believe the Child Assessment and the transition counseling are critical to the success, but by no means guarantee success, of any subsequent placement. While remaining in the current home may not be in the best interest of the child, it is also my opinion that any alternative placement must have all the known information about the child’s needs in order for that placement to have a chance to succeed. Naturally, any subsequent placement of the child with a family that can not meet the needs of the child is not in the child’s best interest and will cause further emotional and psychological damage to the child which must be avoided at all costs.

(Also see "Indicators of Adoption Disruption")

Contact us regarding Adoption Disruption