Coping With Adoption Grief and Loss

The key points of Birthmother Support

1. LISTEN. Sometimes it’s more helpful to be present and say nothing, than to offer
advice.

2. Be empathetic. Do not force your opinions or agenda on the grieving person or birth mother. This is not a time to be critical or judgmental. Try to listen and understand what the person is saying and going through.

3. Watch your language! It is best not to say, “I can understand what you are going through,” especially if you haven’t had the experience of placing a child up for adoption.

4. Offer Referrals: If the grieving person appears deeply depressed or in need of professional assistance, be helpful by seeking and providing phone numbers of open adoption family services in your area.

5. Ask! Instead of trying to be helpful (unguided), ask if there is any particular way that you offer the birthmother support. (But at the same time, it is always nice to “do nice things” for the person).